You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
