New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
