That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
