you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
