508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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