Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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