dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize