I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
how does that bad decision feel?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
