I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
