It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The Olympian is in my bed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
