Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
