I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
