i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
