I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
