franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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