best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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