Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
