Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
