I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
