Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
