dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
