If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize