Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
