Soap is not a condiment
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
