got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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