Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
