As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
