All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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