this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
