We won't sleep together?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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