Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
