I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
