did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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