when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
