I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
