On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
