I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
