my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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