We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
