ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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