I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
