Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize