If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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