I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
