Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
