I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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