Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
