he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
