I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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