I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
