I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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