textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize