State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
