He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
