I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
