Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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