Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
