Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
