she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
