Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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