I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
