just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize