so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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