be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize