glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
