Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
