You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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