I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
