I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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