How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my phone needs a breathalizer
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
