My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
