i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
