if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
