i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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