i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
