my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
