Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
