I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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