I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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