You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
