after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Boobs speak an international language.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
