We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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