i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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