He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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