How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
