Where did you get a picture of my penis
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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